I Ching Hexagram 31 (Influence) in Love: What It Means for Your Relationship

Hexagram 31 illustrated — upper and lower trigrams with its six lines
Hexagram 31 — upper and lower trigrams, six lines, and the body element's lucky colors

Hexagram 31 is the influence hexagram of the I Ching: lake above, mountain below — moisture resting on heights, two elements facing each other across space. Its classical judgment reads "success; beneficial for perseverance; taking a wife brings good fortune" (咸：亨，利贞，取女吉), and its image is a lake on a mountain, which the text says means the noble one "receives others with emptiness." When Hexagram 31 appears in a love reading, it is one of the most direct answers in the entire Book of Changes: mutual attraction is at work, and the hexagram is the oldest courtship manual we have.

The Story of Hexagram 31: The Oldest Courtship Story

Two people notice each other. It starts at the extremities — a glance held a beat too long, a foot turned toward the other across a room. Then it moves: the calf, the thigh, the back of the neck, the jaw, and finally the tongue — talking, promising, the words that come when two people have stopped pretending they are not interested. This is not a modern reading of a love song. It is the literal text of Hexagram 31, whose six lines describe attraction moving up the body — 咸其拇 (the big toe), 咸其腓 (the calf), 咸其股 (the thigh), 咸其脢 (the neck), 咸其辅、颊、舌 (the jaw, cheeks, and tongue). Three thousand years ago, someone mapped exactly what happens when influence travels between two people, and the I Ching kept it as its 31st hexagram. The hexagram's judgment — 取女吉, "taking a wife brings good fortune" — is the oldest surviving marriage augury in continuous use.

What Is Hexagram 31?

Structure of Hexagram 31 — upper trigram, lower (body) trigram, and five-element attributes
The structure of Hexagram 31: upper trigram, lower (body) trigram, and five-element attributes

The Core Meaning of Hexagram 31

The classical judgment of Hexagram 31 reads: 咸：亨，利贞，取女吉 — "Success. Beneficial for perseverance. Taking a wife brings good fortune." That third clause is what makes this hexagram famous: the Book of Changes is generally cautious about love questions, and here it gives a direct blessing to union — with the hexagram's own conditions attached.

Three things this hexagram is telling you, each standing on its own:

Influence is mutual, and it moves. The hexagram's image is a lake on a mountain — two elements in relation, neither commanding the other. 咸 means "to influence, to affect, to stir completely." What the hexagram describes is not one person pursuing and another fleeing; it is two fields touching. If your situation feels one-directional, the hexagram's condition (亨, penetrating) has not been met — influence that cannot flow back is not 咸.

The hexagram's condition is perseverance, not intensity. 利贞 — "beneficial for perseverance" — sits right before the marriage blessing. Attraction is the beginning of this hexagram, not its content. The judgment says: what succeeds is the attraction that holds, correct and steady, not the attraction that burns brightest in week one.

The body knows before the conversation does. The six lines move from toe to tongue, which is the hexagram's way of saying: attraction registers physically before it becomes verbal, and verbal (line 6, the tongue) is the last and least reliable stage. The hexagram's warning lines are all about pace — moving the body's attention faster than the situation can hold.

Emptiness is what receives. The image text — 君子以虚受人, "the noble one receives others with emptiness" — is the hexagram's practical instruction. A mountain that is full of itself cannot hold a lake. Availability, not strategy, is what makes influence land.

The question Hexagram 31 answers is not "do they like me?" It is: is the influence moving both ways, and can it hold at a steady pace?

Hexagram 31 in Love and Relationships

If you are single: Hexagram 31 is the strongest attraction hexagram in the Book of Changes, and it usually means interest is genuinely mutual — or about to be. The hexagram's counsel is 虚受人: make yourself available rather than strategic. Put yourself where influence can reach you. The one warning from the lines: line 2 (the calf) says moving too fast is ominous while staying put is auspicious — the attraction is real, and it does not need to be accelerated.

In an early or uncertain stage: This is the hexagram of mutual early magnetism — the conversation that flows, the eye contact that keeps happening, the sense that both people are leaning in. The hexagram blesses it (亨) and the marriage line (取女吉) says relationships that begin this way are worth taking seriously. The hexagram's specific advice for this stage: let the influence move at the speed of the body's lower lines, not the tongue's promises.

In a stable relationship: Hexagram 31 is the renewal-of-attraction hexagram — the relationship that has remembered it is physical and emotional, not just logistical. It favors reconnection: time together that is actually together, touch, attention, the "empty" availability of the image text. The warning line is the tongue (line 6): in long relationships, influence decays when it gets replaced by talk about the relationship instead of the presence inside it.

In a crisis: If the relationship is in conflict, Hexagram 31 says the attraction channel is the thing to check first. The hexagram's image is two elements facing each other; when influence is blocked, the blockage is almost always in the facing — the turned back, the defended heart, the schedule with no room for the other person. Restore the channel before arguing about the content.

Hexagram 31 in Career, Money and Decisions

Career: Hexagram 31 is the influence-and-network hexagram outside of love as well — the presentation that lands because the room feels you, the hire who joins because of the person rather than the offer, the client who trusts before the contract is read. It favors roles built on rapport, and it favors decisions made in person rather than by memo. The hexagram's warning is the same in both arenas: influence without perseverance (利贞) is charisma that does not convert.

Money: This is not a wealth hexagram — it is a trust hexagram, and the money that follows it comes through relationships rather than through instruments. Deals close, referrals arrive, partnerships form because the influence is real. The hexagram's counsel: invest in the facing (the relationship, the presence, the team's actual connection) rather than in the pitch.

Decision: For a decision about a relationship or partnership, Hexagram 31 leans favorable — the marriage blessing is the text's own. The condition the hexagram attaches is steadiness (贞): if the attraction is real but the foundation is rushed, the hexagram's line 2 and line 6 both warn about pace and promises.

The Changing Lines of Hexagram 31: Six Scenes

The six changing lines of Hexagram 31, from the first line at the bottom to the sixth at the top
The six lines of Hexagram 31, bottom to top — read the line that changed in your own reading first

Each line of Hexagram 31 is one scene in the oldest courtship story ever written down — attraction moving up the body, and the warnings attached to each stage.

Line 1 (初六) — Influence moves the big toe. The scene: the first signal — a glance, a foot turned, the smallest lean toward the other person. The modern reading: attraction begins in the extremities, almost unconsciously. This is the most innocent stage of the hexagram and the most honest: the body noticed before the mind decided anything.

Line 2 (六二) — Influence moves the calf; danger if you advance, good fortune if you stay. The scene: the pull to move closer faster than the situation holds. The modern reading: the hexagram's pace warning, and its most useful line for modern dating. The attraction is real; advancing anyway is ominous (凶). Staying put — letting the situation catch up to the feeling — is auspicious (吉). Rushing from toe to thigh skips the part where trust forms.

Line 3 (九三) — Influence moves the thigh; holding to what the other moves; going brings regret. The scene: desire plus mimicry — following the other person's movement without your own footing. The modern reading: the line of losing yourself in attraction, moving because they move. The hexagram says going this way brings regret (吝): influence that has no independent footing becomes pursuit.

Line 4 (九四) — Perseverance brings good fortune, regret disappears; the restless mind coming and going — friends follow your thoughts. The scene: the anxious heart, checking signals, oscillating (憧憧往来). The modern reading: the hexagram's stability line. What removes regret is not certainty about the other person — it is your own steadiness. And the line's last clause is a quiet promise: when your mind settles, the people aligned with you gather.

Line 5 (九五) — Influence moves the back of the neck; no regret. The scene: attraction reaching the spine — the core, not the surface. The modern reading: the hexagram's center line, and its strongest position. Influence at this level is structural: it has reached what holds you up. No regret belongs to the attraction that reaches this deep.

Line 6 (上六) — Influence moves the jaw, cheeks, and tongue. The scene: talking, promising, the words that attraction generates. The modern reading: the hexagram's final warning. Influence that has become only talk — promises, persuasion, the performance of feeling — is the least reliable stage of the sequence. The tongue is the last stop, not the destination.

When all six lines change: Hexagram 31 inverts into Hexagram 32 — influence fully developed becomes duration. Attraction that holds becomes commitment; the courtship becomes the marriage the judgment promised.

How to Read Hexagram 31 with the Number Oracle

Hexagram 31 reaches you the same way every hexagram does: through three numbers that arise naturally while you hold your question — a clock, a receipt, a page number, a number that simply surfaces. The first number sets the upper trigram, the second the lower trigram, and the third identifies the changing line. Enter your three numbers and your question at numbers-oracle.com and you will get the hexagram plus an AI interpretation written for your situation — free, no registration. For the mechanics, read how three numbers become a hexagram →

Your lucky energy for Hexagram 31: Earth element (the body trigram, mountain below). Lucky colors are yellow, brown, and earth tones; the matching crystal is obsidian, traditionally associated with protection and grounding.

Related hexagrams: Hexagram 32 (Duration) — what influence becomes when it holds; Hexagram 41 (Decrease) — the same two trigrams inverted, lake below mountain.

Hexagram 31: Common Questions

What does hexagram 31 mean in one sentence?

Hexagram 31 means mutual influence and attraction are at work — the oldest courtship hexagram in the I Ching, blessing unions that begin with genuine two-way feeling.

Is hexagram 31 a yes or no for love?

Hexagram 31 is the clearest yes in the I Ching for love questions — its own judgment says "taking a wife brings good fortune" — with the condition of perseverance (利贞): the attraction must hold at a steady pace, not burn fast.

What should I do when I receive hexagram 31?

Check which line changed. Big toe (line 1) means the feeling is new and honest; calf (line 2) means do not rush — staying put is auspicious; thigh (line 3) means do not lose your own footing in the attraction; neck (line 5) means the influence has reached something structural; jaw and tongue (line 6) means watch the promises against the presence.

Why is hexagram 31 called "Influence"?

Because its six lines describe influence moving through a person from toe to tongue — 咸 means to affect completely, and the hexagram maps exactly how two people stir each other, physically first and verbally last.

The body notices first and speaks last. Influence is real when it moves both ways — and holds.